Church girl gone bad-ish!!!

So I started a 100 day challenge 6 days ago…I’m not sure if I should even share this with you…I know the judgment but anyway…
100 days of no alcohol and from today – 90 days of no junk. Lord have mercy!!!
So here’s the thing about being a child of God, serving Him in purpose and fully devoted to His call – so much is expected from you. Even by yourself actually! Contrary to what some will think – I know I have had issues but I don’t have a drinking problem please neh. I enjoy the taste of cheap Rosé, then there’s this sweet nton-nton called Adelpracht – life in a glass I tell you. But my new love is champagne – I’ve literally been celebrating something that isn’t here yet lol…the bubbles just make me happy. As much as there’s bliss in having a well deserved glass after a long day – I’ve realized that alcohol is somehow a deterrent for me. Again – I repeat – for me!
Firstly it has a tendency of making me sick or tired at times. Secondly it hinders my weight loss progress  and health goals but it also has a numbing part to it that most people miss – I think. So if I indulge, I find it difficult to run for a good week. By the time the week ends, I want nothing to do with exercise. What was happening towards the end of Jan though was that I’d have a bottle of something every weekend because of work stress – see that was a problem and ke ngoku I’m not ready for no phuza face. The difficulty is a two pronged challenge. One being that put you in such a high position that you now are under surveillance to others and yourself. The other being the debate if alcohol being a sin or not. Here’s my view; we need to do things in moderation all the time. So as a person you have responsibility to always moderate our actions. It’s easy to say that all sin is the same – but we never want to admit that the effects of each sin vary. Alcohol is not written to be a sin in the Bible but drunkenness is though it is encouraged that as a child of God you refrain from it because to a large extent it is seen as an anaesthetic – hence it numbs you to feeling and experiencing things as they are (Proverbs 31:7).
The pressure of the two pronged debate is what made me wonder if I should share this. If I won’t be viewed as a rebel by so many church folk or actually be seen to condone certain behaviors. This kinda takes me back to my gran’s famous statements “I-nice time ayipheli and ayitshintshi” (nice time will forever be there. I looked forward to the time I could actually ‘eat’ the nice times with a tooth pick when I was a teenager. I looked forward to a time that I could drink as much as I wanted, have loads of sex and just be wild…unfortunately that isn’t how it turned out for me – so much of my life is so conservative…iyandixaka nam at times. To all teens – learn to have self control. A time will come when all the things that fascinate you will be readily free and available for you. Don’t rush. Focus.
I used to think I liked the clubbing scene until I’d wake up smelling like a chimney – so disgusting. I love good music but I can’t listen to ‘gqom’ for too long – it kinda becomes nauseating. Then I find myself singing “Siyakudumisa Thixo” in the midst of everyone who is having fun. So I never really got to have the ‘nice’ time. All the times I had too much to drink were times I wanted to numb myself because something would be wrong and it became a continuous thing and life threatening pattern because I wasn’t drinking for the enjoyment really. It took a bit of a while for personal healing before I could drink again because I needed to restore my sense of feeling.
Sense of feeling restored…now I have close to 15 kilograms that I wanna lose. So I lay my wine & champagne aside for these 100 days. I’ve set myself so many challenges that I wanted to complete but dololo! Lol! Let’s hope I stick to it this time. Let’s give each other updates every week shall we?
To keep myself on track – I’m doing a count to 100 days – meditating on daily scriptures which are interestingly giving me a different perspective on myself. I don’t like the Word when it penetrates and brings things to suffice but it sustains me and guides me as well.
Today’s Word was Galatians 5:14 “Love your neighbour as yourself.” And it came to mind that we struggle to love other people even worse when they have hurt us, because we struggle to love ourselves through the mistakes we make in life. My view is that if we would know that loving our neighbors is the reflection of the love we have for ourselves, the world would be a better place.
Learning to love yourself is sometimes the hardest thing to do because it opens to you up to all the parts of you that are unloveable. It is those insecurities that others make us aware of – hence is easier to impose our self hatred on them…we just aren’t aware.
The quicker you learn to love yourself, you quickly get to see how easy it is to forgive yourself and others inversely.
Signed
Damsel•Risen
Love & Light
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A teachable spirit